


Wild At Heart

by Nope



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-28
Updated: 2004-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25784659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: Vernon comes home unexpectedly.
Relationships: Petunia Evans Dursley/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 4





	Wild At Heart

Tea and awkwardness had turned into G&T, nostalgia and sympathy, which had quickly become sofa and snogging.

"Oh, Remus!"

"God, Petunia!"

"Kiss me! Kiss mmmf!"

"Mmm?"

"Mmm!"

Finally breaking the kiss, Remus pushed himself up a little and gasped, "Petunia? I-- I really should go. The sun's already going down and--"

"Just a little longer," pleaded Petunia. "I never knew it could be this wild!"

"Really," insisted Remus, "I have to--"

There was a sound of a key in the front door.

"Vernon!" squeaked Petunia, leaping up. "He's home! Quick! Hide!"

"What--?!"

"In here!" She hustled him into the cupboard under the stairs, slammed the door, and spun to stand with her back to it, quickly primping her hair as Vernon came in.

"Hello, darling," said Vernon, kissing her cheek. "How's my little--" He sniffed. "Have you been drinking?"

"What, Vernon? No, Vernon! Of course not, Vernon!"

"Why are there two glasses on the table, Petunia!"

"Two?! I-- I must be so drunk I got confused!"

"Don't give me that, my flower! You've got a man in!"

"Vernon! Of course not!"

"Why are you standing in front of that cupboard?" asked Vernon, eyes screwed up in suspicion.

"What cupboard?" asked Petunia.

"That one right there behind you! The one we kept that devil child in! The one," growled Vernon, "those moaning noises are coming from."

"That's... that's the kettle! Boiling!" There were thumps from behind her. The door rattled. "Good lord! A sudden, violent storm! Vernon, you should check the windows are closed!"

"Stop trying to distract me, Petunia! I know you have a man in there, by Jove, and I'm not having it!"

"No, Vernon!"

"Stand aside, woman!"

"No, Vernon! No! There isn't a man in there!"

"We'll soon see about that! All right," yelled Vernon, pushing Petunia aside and yanking open the cupboard door. "Let's be having yooARRRRGH! AIEEE!! URRRK!"

"...see?" cried Petunia, wiping the blood from her face with a glittering, triumphant smile. "I said it wasn't a man!"


End file.
